Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Breaking News: Scandal strikes Mini Pony cup, opening up the competition

This just into the NETT newsroom. Crazy Dave, previously the frontrunner and odds-on favorite to win the Mini Pony Cup competiton, has been disqualified from the competition amid a deepening scandal that has rocked both the athlete and the Mini Pony Cup to its core.

Early Tuesday morning around 2 a.m., police were called to Crazy Dave's home where they found him lying on the front lawn in single-digit temperatures with his fiancee Doris holding a bloddy running shoe above his head. Police investigators saidCrazy Dave had apparently been sneaking out in the middle of the night to run extra miles while his fiancee slept. But when Doris woke Tuesday morning to find him creeping in the front door all sweaty in his running tights, she allegedly lost her s--t and bashed Crazy Dave senseless. is reporting today that in addition to the "secret miles", Crazy Dave has also been running routinely with clubs other than NETT, including GBTC and the Parkway Running Club. also claims to have photos of the bloodied competitor, who is suing the website not to publish them.

While in police custody, a toxicology test found Crazy Dave tested positive for 13 banned and illegal substances including EPO, anabolic steroids, horse tranquilizers, Quaaludes, model glue, magic mushrooms and roughly 25 times the normal dose of caffeine intake for an adult male, which officially disqualified him from the Mini Pony Cup.

When asked by the NETT News Team to respond to the allegations, Crazy Dave simply replied "Get a job you blood-sucking parasites I hope you die in a painful sex accident" and spat repeatedly at reporters.

The scandal has not only shamed Crazy Dave, but it also breaks the competition in the Mini Pony Cup wide open with only two weeks left. With Crazy Dave out of the running, Frank and Jerry stand tied atop the leader board with 11 points, while Eri, Karyn MM and Chris Smith are all one point back with 10.

Frank 11
Jerry 11
Eri 10
Karyn MM 10
Chris Smith 10
Jack 9
Bogie 9
Martin 9
Jim D 8
Katherine 8
Chrissy 7
Mary 6

(Send any recent scoring updates to the NETT Newsroom at points are available in the track competition this weekend at the BU Mini Meets as well as in the snowshoe competition in coming weeks. All races must be completed by Dec. 31 to qualify.


Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention that you "blood alcohol level" was also above the legal limit.

Anonymous said...

It was above the illegal limit.

Anonymous said...

"Five Stars" -Variety Magazine

Anonymous said...

"The writer captures every aspect of our imaginations. Masterful!" -The Chelmsford Independent

Anonymous said...

Say it ain't so, Joe...
wait for it...
Say you're not a knave, Dave
(that probably wasn't worth waiting for)

Anonymous said...

The real addiction is the dammed with anything important. So metaphorically the depiction is representative of the group. Bravo for the epiphany. Now grasp it and make the change.